So, I've been working on Lucy a little bit, almost done with chapter 10. I've also been working on ideas for Bell Mort, who is being a little bit of a brat now that I am trying to give her attention. *rolls eyes* So, that's how it's been going. Hopefully, it will be going better and I'll have more to report next time.
Keep on Being Awesome,
Cass
Monday, August 28, 2017
Friday, August 25, 2017
Weekly Rundown 8.19.17-8.25.17
This week has been a pretty crazy one.
Saturday was my grandparent's 50th-anniversary party which we had to take pictures before hand, so after being up until 3 AM that morning, I was woken up at about 9 AM to take a shower and get ready to go take pictures. Needless to say, I was so exhausted that day, that I wasn't ready for anything that day had to throw at me. I spent most of the day in auto pilot and don't remember a lot of it, except my cousin and his wife teaching me how to play Settlers of Catan. Which was pretty fun, but not something my brain was quite ready for. LOL After the party we all went to our separate houses and relaxed. Those that were staying at our house had ice cream for dinner and then watched Moana until bedtime.
Sunday was just like a normal Sunday at first. I woke up and took a shower and then scooted off to church with Mom and Dad. Then it gets interesting. Nana and I had a whole 11 kids in Sunday school which is HIGHLY unusual. Then, I went down to play my violin and the whole family did special music, which I recorded. Then after church, we all went downstairs for leftovers from the party the day before. (While I was doing the singing before Sunday School my boss text me and asked me to come into work that night, which I readily agreed). After church, our guests went home and I headed promptly to work. Which wasn't all that bad, since I was simply an extra for the night. Then I came home and crashed.
Monday was a much more normal day. I slept in, then went out with my sister to her doctor's appointment, then we went out to the beach that wasn't too far away. It was great! We went swimming for a little bit then laid out on the beach to dry. It was a good time. Then I came home and watched a show with mom and dad that my sister got for my dad for his birthday (which was last Friday).
Tuesday, I woke up and took the dogs out like I usually do, but this particular morning my tailbone hurt more than usual. So, when I got done with the dogs, I came in and sat on a heat pack. No sooner had I sat on the heat pack, that I closed my eyes and fell back asleep for another hour! (Mind you it was already noon by this point.) Then, I woke up when mom came home and took the dogs out again before heading out to get my paycheck. By the time I'd picked up my paycheck and got gas it was about 3 PM and I decided that I was just going to stick around Gowanda until it was time for work. Then, I went to work, which was freaking NUTS because we were a person short AND we were busy AF! So by the time I got out of work it was almost 11 PM and I went home and promptly took my medications and crashed.
Wednesday. I woke up and my sinuses hurt so bad. So after I took the dogs out I heated up a heat pack and sat down with it on my face. It felt so nice. Then I woke up and went to work where I ran around like crazy until about 10:30 PM... Needless to say, I was not exactly happy about being there that long but it's more money for me. Anyways, after that I went home, took my meds and crashed hard.
Thursday, I went to Bible Study like I usually do, then came home and sat with the heat pack on my face for a while since I am still not feeling well. Then, I went to work and was actually able to leave before 10 PM (which is rare this week). Then I came home and relaxed with my parents for a few minutes before I crashed.
Today (Friday), I had a hair cut and then came home and rested for a bit before going to work. Which will hopefully be another early night, but I can't be sure.
So, that's my week in a nutshell.
Keep On being Awesome,
Cass
Saturday was my grandparent's 50th-anniversary party which we had to take pictures before hand, so after being up until 3 AM that morning, I was woken up at about 9 AM to take a shower and get ready to go take pictures. Needless to say, I was so exhausted that day, that I wasn't ready for anything that day had to throw at me. I spent most of the day in auto pilot and don't remember a lot of it, except my cousin and his wife teaching me how to play Settlers of Catan. Which was pretty fun, but not something my brain was quite ready for. LOL After the party we all went to our separate houses and relaxed. Those that were staying at our house had ice cream for dinner and then watched Moana until bedtime.
Sunday was just like a normal Sunday at first. I woke up and took a shower and then scooted off to church with Mom and Dad. Then it gets interesting. Nana and I had a whole 11 kids in Sunday school which is HIGHLY unusual. Then, I went down to play my violin and the whole family did special music, which I recorded. Then after church, we all went downstairs for leftovers from the party the day before. (While I was doing the singing before Sunday School my boss text me and asked me to come into work that night, which I readily agreed). After church, our guests went home and I headed promptly to work. Which wasn't all that bad, since I was simply an extra for the night. Then I came home and crashed.
Monday was a much more normal day. I slept in, then went out with my sister to her doctor's appointment, then we went out to the beach that wasn't too far away. It was great! We went swimming for a little bit then laid out on the beach to dry. It was a good time. Then I came home and watched a show with mom and dad that my sister got for my dad for his birthday (which was last Friday).
Tuesday, I woke up and took the dogs out like I usually do, but this particular morning my tailbone hurt more than usual. So, when I got done with the dogs, I came in and sat on a heat pack. No sooner had I sat on the heat pack, that I closed my eyes and fell back asleep for another hour! (Mind you it was already noon by this point.) Then, I woke up when mom came home and took the dogs out again before heading out to get my paycheck. By the time I'd picked up my paycheck and got gas it was about 3 PM and I decided that I was just going to stick around Gowanda until it was time for work. Then, I went to work, which was freaking NUTS because we were a person short AND we were busy AF! So by the time I got out of work it was almost 11 PM and I went home and promptly took my medications and crashed.
Wednesday. I woke up and my sinuses hurt so bad. So after I took the dogs out I heated up a heat pack and sat down with it on my face. It felt so nice. Then I woke up and went to work where I ran around like crazy until about 10:30 PM... Needless to say, I was not exactly happy about being there that long but it's more money for me. Anyways, after that I went home, took my meds and crashed hard.
Thursday, I went to Bible Study like I usually do, then came home and sat with the heat pack on my face for a while since I am still not feeling well. Then, I went to work and was actually able to leave before 10 PM (which is rare this week). Then I came home and relaxed with my parents for a few minutes before I crashed.
Today (Friday), I had a hair cut and then came home and rested for a bit before going to work. Which will hopefully be another early night, but I can't be sure.
So, that's my week in a nutshell.
Keep On being Awesome,
Cass
Monday, August 21, 2017
I Had a Rough Weekend Mentally
You know how hard it is for you to be around someone who has wronged you badly in the past? Well, I spent almost the whole weekend with a family member who wronged me very badly in the past and I realized that I suppress a lot of feelings when I am around the said family member. I want to document the feelings so that I remember them for later. So here goes nothing.
The first feeling I noted was contempt. How dare this family member act like nothing is different between us and how can this family member even not feel the slightest bit guilty for what they did to me?
The next feeling I felt was fear. What if they do it again? What if I am tempting them to do what they did again?
The next feeling was anxiety. I didn't sleep well, I felt like they could strike at any time and I couldn't be alone with them. I felt like I couldn't relax around them and was nervous constantly.
The worst feeling I had though: I felt like I couldn't be myself. I couldn't be the person I am coming to enjoy and love. That was the worst feeling EVER and it made me SO tired. Putting on a face so that everyone believes you to be happy and enjoying life is HARD! I don't know how people can live double lives... oh wait! I DO! I DO live a double life. I outwardly let people believe that I am happy and that my depression has NOT been kicking my ass for the last month and a half. I have to hide the fact that my anxiety was kicking up like CRAZY all weekend with my entire family being there. I had to pretend that I didn't hear a little voice inside me most of the weekend telling me that it's all my fault. Telling me that I'm the only one who cares. Telling me that no one truly cares about me. They just want to see me happy, they don't want to hear about my depression and my annoyance and my anxiety and my internal struggle.
Sorry, this is such a down and out post, but I needed to get this off my chest. I felt the urge to document this.
Keep On Being Awesome,
Cass
The first feeling I noted was contempt. How dare this family member act like nothing is different between us and how can this family member even not feel the slightest bit guilty for what they did to me?
The next feeling I felt was fear. What if they do it again? What if I am tempting them to do what they did again?
The next feeling was anxiety. I didn't sleep well, I felt like they could strike at any time and I couldn't be alone with them. I felt like I couldn't relax around them and was nervous constantly.
The worst feeling I had though: I felt like I couldn't be myself. I couldn't be the person I am coming to enjoy and love. That was the worst feeling EVER and it made me SO tired. Putting on a face so that everyone believes you to be happy and enjoying life is HARD! I don't know how people can live double lives... oh wait! I DO! I DO live a double life. I outwardly let people believe that I am happy and that my depression has NOT been kicking my ass for the last month and a half. I have to hide the fact that my anxiety was kicking up like CRAZY all weekend with my entire family being there. I had to pretend that I didn't hear a little voice inside me most of the weekend telling me that it's all my fault. Telling me that I'm the only one who cares. Telling me that no one truly cares about me. They just want to see me happy, they don't want to hear about my depression and my annoyance and my anxiety and my internal struggle.
Sorry, this is such a down and out post, but I needed to get this off my chest. I felt the urge to document this.
Keep On Being Awesome,
Cass
Friday, August 18, 2017
Weekly Rundown 8.12-18.17
This week has been a really busy week and will hopefully slow down next week. For now, let's get to this week's run down.
Saturday, I was called into work and ended working from four PM until almost midnight. Otherwise, the day was uneventful.
Sunday, I went to church in the morning, came home and took a nap, then at three PM started my prep for my colonoscopy on Monday. Let me tell you prepping for a colonoscopy (for those of you who don't know) is a pain in the anus... literally. I spent the next few hours going to the bathroom every five minutes or so until my colon was finally cleared out so they could shove a camera inside it. The prep is honestly the WORST part of the colonoscopy. That night I was worried to go to bed upstairs so I brought my main stuff downstairs and slept on the couch.
Monday, I woke up and shortly thereafter left to go to start my journey to the Buffalo Surgery Center where I would have my colonoscopy. First, we stopped at where my dad was working in Silver Creek and dropped off our neighbor so he could work with dad. Then we made our way up to Hamburg on the I-90 and went to Hobby Lobby near the mall. It was about this time that I got so tired and couldn't keep my eyes open so I took a nap until we arrived the surgery center about 10 minutes before my colonoscopy time. We went in and they took me in shortly thereafter, wasting no time. They took me down a hall and into a small prep area where they got my name and told me I had to give a urine sample. *gr face* I honestly HATE giving urine samples. They are my arch nemesis and it takes me FOREVER to give one usually. Thankfully this time it only took about ten minutes, then I got into my ultra stylish and comfy dark blue gown, and went back to the prep room. The nurse then stuck an IV in my hand and here was where the hurry up and wait game started. Then they moved me into the room where the procedure would take place and we waited some more, and finally, they put the anesthesia into the IV and I went to sleep. Sometime later, I woke up while they were still doing the procedure, saw the screen was pink and went back to sleep. The next thing I remember was talking to the doctor and him telling me that it went well, and I only have IBS and not IBD. The next thing I remember was being in the car. I don't remember putting my clothes on (which the nurse helped me with) I don't remember sitting in the wheelchair heading to the car, I don't remember getting in the car. All I remember is being in the car and leaving... and asking mom for some corn chips. LOL Then after I got those in my system, I wanted something a little more substantial and mom took me to McDonald's. We then went to Walmart and then went home where I napped hard and then woke up, ate, and promptly went back to sleep in my own bed.
Tuesday, I woke up, ate, went and picked up my paycheck. Then I went to Dunkirk with my mom where I bought dad's birthday present and then went to Walmart and bought a couple of things I needed. Then, I went home, spent a few minutes with my dogs, and went to work. Work was uneventful but quite busy. Then I went home and went to bed.
Wednesday, I worked with a different coworker than I was used to and she was in a hurry all night to leave even though we had hardly anything done on our stuff list. Then the other coworker wanted to leave too even though both of them had been there after I got there. I ended up staying until almost ten-thirty to make sure everything was done before I left. Then, I came home and crashed.
Yesterday, I went to church in the morning like I usually do, and then came home to my sister being here. We then dyed my hair (which is now a wizardly silver color) and then prepared for our guests to come in (which they did) and then enjoyed the time with our guests (my Aunt and cousin).
Today is going to be a crazy day. I have already woke up and spent some time with my cousin, we went and decorated the church for my grandparent's fiftieth wedding anniversary party on Saturday. Now, we are preparing for Dad's birthday party later where everyone is coming over, *rolls eyes* and it's going to be so much fun. *sarcastic*
Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you had a good time and a better week than I did.
Keep On Being Awesome,
Cass
Saturday, I was called into work and ended working from four PM until almost midnight. Otherwise, the day was uneventful.
Sunday, I went to church in the morning, came home and took a nap, then at three PM started my prep for my colonoscopy on Monday. Let me tell you prepping for a colonoscopy (for those of you who don't know) is a pain in the anus... literally. I spent the next few hours going to the bathroom every five minutes or so until my colon was finally cleared out so they could shove a camera inside it. The prep is honestly the WORST part of the colonoscopy. That night I was worried to go to bed upstairs so I brought my main stuff downstairs and slept on the couch.
Monday, I woke up and shortly thereafter left to go to start my journey to the Buffalo Surgery Center where I would have my colonoscopy. First, we stopped at where my dad was working in Silver Creek and dropped off our neighbor so he could work with dad. Then we made our way up to Hamburg on the I-90 and went to Hobby Lobby near the mall. It was about this time that I got so tired and couldn't keep my eyes open so I took a nap until we arrived the surgery center about 10 minutes before my colonoscopy time. We went in and they took me in shortly thereafter, wasting no time. They took me down a hall and into a small prep area where they got my name and told me I had to give a urine sample. *gr face* I honestly HATE giving urine samples. They are my arch nemesis and it takes me FOREVER to give one usually. Thankfully this time it only took about ten minutes, then I got into my ultra stylish and comfy dark blue gown, and went back to the prep room. The nurse then stuck an IV in my hand and here was where the hurry up and wait game started. Then they moved me into the room where the procedure would take place and we waited some more, and finally, they put the anesthesia into the IV and I went to sleep. Sometime later, I woke up while they were still doing the procedure, saw the screen was pink and went back to sleep. The next thing I remember was talking to the doctor and him telling me that it went well, and I only have IBS and not IBD. The next thing I remember was being in the car. I don't remember putting my clothes on (which the nurse helped me with) I don't remember sitting in the wheelchair heading to the car, I don't remember getting in the car. All I remember is being in the car and leaving... and asking mom for some corn chips. LOL Then after I got those in my system, I wanted something a little more substantial and mom took me to McDonald's. We then went to Walmart and then went home where I napped hard and then woke up, ate, and promptly went back to sleep in my own bed.
Tuesday, I woke up, ate, went and picked up my paycheck. Then I went to Dunkirk with my mom where I bought dad's birthday present and then went to Walmart and bought a couple of things I needed. Then, I went home, spent a few minutes with my dogs, and went to work. Work was uneventful but quite busy. Then I went home and went to bed.
Wednesday, I worked with a different coworker than I was used to and she was in a hurry all night to leave even though we had hardly anything done on our stuff list. Then the other coworker wanted to leave too even though both of them had been there after I got there. I ended up staying until almost ten-thirty to make sure everything was done before I left. Then, I came home and crashed.
Yesterday, I went to church in the morning like I usually do, and then came home to my sister being here. We then dyed my hair (which is now a wizardly silver color) and then prepared for our guests to come in (which they did) and then enjoyed the time with our guests (my Aunt and cousin).
Today is going to be a crazy day. I have already woke up and spent some time with my cousin, we went and decorated the church for my grandparent's fiftieth wedding anniversary party on Saturday. Now, we are preparing for Dad's birthday party later where everyone is coming over, *rolls eyes* and it's going to be so much fun. *sarcastic*
Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you had a good time and a better week than I did.
Keep On Being Awesome,
Cass
Monday, August 14, 2017
Update
So, today I have a colonoscopy, and by the time you're reading this will either be done or I'm in the middle of it. That's a thing. Also I've been getting headaches from my neck, so that hasn't been a good combination with my inability to take Ibuprofen. Also, I've been tryin to write and I still have to pay Microsoft. So, I have been doing more working on Bell and ideas for her. Sorry for the lack of interestingness in this post, but I haven't been doing well this week and have been feeling really sick.
Keep on Being Awesome,
Cass
Keep on Being Awesome,
Cass
Friday, August 11, 2017
Life Update 8.11.17
This week wasn't too bad. But it was... interesting to say the least.
Saturday: I went to work at four and got asked to close (which we close at midnight), and my mom got mad at me about that.
Sunday, I did my usual go to church in the morning, come home, nap all afternoon, and then went to church at night. Unlike last week though, the night service was abbreviated because we were all going to viewing hours for a man in our church who recently died of cancer. Then afterward some of snuck over to the nearby ice cream shop and had some ice cream. It was awesome.
Monday, my cousin Kim and I went over to her pool and painted inside the pool house. We also had a nice long conversation. Which we don't get to do very often. Then I came home and crashed for a couple hours, but when I woke up my IBS had flared up, so I wasn't feeling well the rest of the day.
Tuesday, I was in pain from IBS and a headache all day. Mom actually let me sleep most of the day until I had to go to work. Then, I went to work grabbed my paycheck, put it in the bank, then got drinks and went back to work. I worked pretty well and then went home and crashed pretty hard.
Wednesday, I was feeling a little better but I quickly down hill after I had a piece of pizza from the gas station, and I had a nasty bout of diarrhea and it was terrible. So I didn't have a very productive night at work, but I came home and then crashed.
Thursday, I felt much better and went to morning Bible Study. Then came home, had a productive afternoon, and went back to church later for night Bible Study. Then I went home and crashed.
Today, I went to counseling already, and intent to go out later today with my sister, but we'll see what happens.
Keep on Being Awesome,
Cass
Saturday: I went to work at four and got asked to close (which we close at midnight), and my mom got mad at me about that.
Sunday, I did my usual go to church in the morning, come home, nap all afternoon, and then went to church at night. Unlike last week though, the night service was abbreviated because we were all going to viewing hours for a man in our church who recently died of cancer. Then afterward some of snuck over to the nearby ice cream shop and had some ice cream. It was awesome.
Monday, my cousin Kim and I went over to her pool and painted inside the pool house. We also had a nice long conversation. Which we don't get to do very often. Then I came home and crashed for a couple hours, but when I woke up my IBS had flared up, so I wasn't feeling well the rest of the day.
Tuesday, I was in pain from IBS and a headache all day. Mom actually let me sleep most of the day until I had to go to work. Then, I went to work grabbed my paycheck, put it in the bank, then got drinks and went back to work. I worked pretty well and then went home and crashed pretty hard.
Wednesday, I was feeling a little better but I quickly down hill after I had a piece of pizza from the gas station, and I had a nasty bout of diarrhea and it was terrible. So I didn't have a very productive night at work, but I came home and then crashed.
Thursday, I felt much better and went to morning Bible Study. Then came home, had a productive afternoon, and went back to church later for night Bible Study. Then I went home and crashed.
Today, I went to counseling already, and intent to go out later today with my sister, but we'll see what happens.
Keep on Being Awesome,
Cass
Monday, August 7, 2017
Writing Update
Hello. So, Lucy is still not going too well, and I need to figure out what to do with Bell. She's gotten about as far as I can go without knowing where I really want to go with it. AND I've been thinking about Tequila lately and kind of want to change her story and how that goes. In conclusion, my author brain has been going all sorts of crazy and I'm not sure what I want to write first. Oi vay!
Keep On Being Awesome,
Cass
Keep On Being Awesome,
Cass
Friday, August 4, 2017
Life Update 8.4.17
So, life has been a little bit of nothing most of this week. On Saturday, I went to work and after some craziness with my aunt everything was perfectly normal and fine.
On Sunday, I went to church, came home, took a nap, and went back to church with dad which was nice.
On Monday, me and mom had a happy day. We went over to the mall and got Starbucks. It was nice.
On Tuesday, I went and picked up my paycheck then came into work and worked my usual shift. Which wasn't too bad. It was kind of nice.
On Wednesday, I woke up so tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open. And took a nap between eating breakfast and leaving for work. When I got to work everything was fine, I got some blue cheese done, then did the slicing, and then shit hit the fan. One of the girls that I don't exactly like came in feeling "sick" so my aunt told her that after we weren't busy any more she could go home but she ended up leaving shortly after my aunt did saying that "I'm not dealing with this bull shit". So yeah... I ended up finishing the pizza table after I did the slicing. So, it was a long night.
Yesterday, I didn't have to work so I was able to relax and went out with mom to Randolph to get some lunch. :)
Today, I just took my baby girl to the doctor to check up on her spot and now we are going to get something to drink and probably go home. Where I intend to get some stuff done today.
Keep on Being Awesome,
Cass
On Sunday, I went to church, came home, took a nap, and went back to church with dad which was nice.
On Monday, me and mom had a happy day. We went over to the mall and got Starbucks. It was nice.
On Tuesday, I went and picked up my paycheck then came into work and worked my usual shift. Which wasn't too bad. It was kind of nice.
On Wednesday, I woke up so tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open. And took a nap between eating breakfast and leaving for work. When I got to work everything was fine, I got some blue cheese done, then did the slicing, and then shit hit the fan. One of the girls that I don't exactly like came in feeling "sick" so my aunt told her that after we weren't busy any more she could go home but she ended up leaving shortly after my aunt did saying that "I'm not dealing with this bull shit". So yeah... I ended up finishing the pizza table after I did the slicing. So, it was a long night.
Yesterday, I didn't have to work so I was able to relax and went out with mom to Randolph to get some lunch. :)
Today, I just took my baby girl to the doctor to check up on her spot and now we are going to get something to drink and probably go home. Where I intend to get some stuff done today.
Keep on Being Awesome,
Cass
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